The Injured Girl/Bird
4/26/2014
This morning I woke up completely off. Hopeless I should say. I have been working on faith for quite a while, not really grasping the idea at first but lately, I have been feeling it building up on me. In the beginning of the month, I understood that faith in me as well as on many people has been replaced by clinging. We cling on things, beliefs or people and when they are taken away we find something else to cling on. I understood then that the purpose of faith is to truly believe that the unseen is present at all times, just unseen. There are so many divine deities and there is so much wellness, love and abundance but because we believe more in the world of form that the ethereal then we doubt the existence of all this wellness, goodness and blessings so we cling on matter instead and we suffer when matter change or cease to exist.
I have been thinking about this and understanding it for quite a while but started to realize that “feeling” this as truth is the most important thing to work on. First I thought, Well, the conviction has to come from within because if it is an external influence then it means you are putting someone else’s believe of faith in your head, then it is “believing it, as an idea” but not “feeling it, as truth”. I started doing slow walking meditation with my eyes closed to build up the trust on myself, my limbs, my core, my intuition. It worked pretty good. Another exercise that helped a lot was visualizing my feet and toes as roots of faith growing deeply with flexibility and strength, reaching everywhere and nourishing my body, core helping me bloom big and bringing boundless fruit. There is also a tree at Lake Johnson that helped me realized that the size of the roots was more important than the size of the tree. The longer and stronger the roots the harder it would be for a tree to die or fall. It is the same with faith. Faith must be the base of our lives so that we don’t fall. When the things we cling to, change or cease to exist the feeling of fear and insecurity come up if faith is not there. If we build up faith, when things change or cease to exist then fear has no chance to bubble up.
Easier said than done but practice is key and practice makes perfect. I have been practicing and usually I do I good job, sometimes, I do a mediocre job and sometimes, I fail and fall flat on my face… Today was one of those days.
I believe in faith and I have started to feel it but It is unstable at the moment. I had a great day yesterday with friends and reflected upon how joyful situations unfolded beautifully, so I went to bed happy and hopeful. I recall having a dream and it was not bad at all but when I woke up I felt the sadness and hopelessness of the legal and financial situation I am in and it took a lot of me to get into a good mood. At one point I had it. I created a recipe for breakfast blending old bread and mixed it with spices, nuts and coconut milk. I baked it then added maple syrup to serve. It was delicious and I felt inspiration and creativity flowing through my veins. I shifted my emotional state completely. Then, after I finished, I opened the window and saw an injured bird on the bushes. One of its wings where completely injured. The bone was sticking out; it did not look easy to recover from. I felt the sadness creeping in again. I could not help to feel sad and powerless. The injury was too complicated to fix, I thought. I decided to try Reiki, just offered it and let it work for the highest good, so I went outside and with patience and a few tries I got the injured bird. I took it inside my home and started Reiki. The bird was scared at first but then calmed down substantially. I was happy to offer Reiki but I could not help to see myself in this injured bird and recalling how Jesus could heal completely and thoroughly with just a touch. I felt bad that I could not do the same. I felt limited even thought usually I consider myself a talented healing facilitator. I hope for the bird to find that divine being who could heal her and I hope the same for me as well.
There was another bird outside chirping looking for her. When I finished, I released her outside by the bushes again and noticed how this other bird was brining her food. First I though, how lucky must she be to have a loved one taking care of her when she needs it the most. I also thought how Robert has done the opposite for me and could not help to feel sad because I never saw it coming. How greedy a human can be and how compassionate a bird can be.
I have to keep reminding myself that even though the man I loved so much created a lot of pain that affected me, there has been a lot of people who have come forward to help me and offer me relief of may types. Then I thought, GOD does look out for us and relieves our pain but takes many different forms. Sometimes, GOD cannot always work through our most beloved person but GOD, can help us through a family member, friend, stranger or animal. The clinging I have been working on releasing, is putting faith and false sense of security in the man that I loved so much, Robert and instead, developing real faith on myself, to connect directly with that Powerful force of love we call GOD, because matter is impermanent but that Powerful force of Love is always there available for us, waiting for us to connect with.
After experiencing hopelessness with the bird, I decided to draw the tarot cards because I was upset that I could not help the bird completely since the wound was too severe. I thought “Why would you send that bird my way when you know I could not help? Now I feel worse than before”. To my surprise, the tarot card that came up was the exact picture of what happed with the bird today. Me, holding the bird with loving kindness and GOD next to me guiding that healing power to reach the bird through me. I was speechless! I was also reminded that I am not the healer but the healer facilitator, that instrument GOD uses to reach the ones who needs help the most and than I must believe, surrender and have faith that all is always in divine order, including me.
I practice building up my faith every day but some days are harder that others. Unconsciously, I gave up my independence and now that I am on my own again I am re-learning it in a more conscious way. Just like this tarot card, I have a more proof that God and allies are with me, guiding me, caring for me and keeping me good company. I cannot feel their presence yet but I do have clear proof of it. They all are helping me to build up faith so that I can trust myself and trust them so that I can be completely independent, fearless, resourceful, compassionate, confident and loving to return little by little to my natural state of being, which is, to be Love, to be Light, to be Life and to be Peace.
I just looked out the window again and it is peculiar how both birds are gone now. I still feel sad. I do not know how I am going to come out on top but I do have it clear in my heart that GOD is with me all the way and I know one day I will be there with unshakable faith walking along the glorious path.
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Mariela Siwarqinti
Empath & Intuitive
973-330-6778
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