What about that Inner Critic?
Instead of fighting your inner critic why not just befriend it?
We can be too hard on ourselves because we don’t know how to just hang out with ourselves.
Like that best friend from childhood. We didn’t judge them, we loved them.
Be friendly.
Be your best friend.
Just hang out with yourself and enjoy your own company.
Let yourself make any decisions and grow at your own pace.
Extend yourself that kind of treatment, that kind of friendship and love.
Imagine a judge entering the courtroom. While he is behind that bench and wearing that coat he will perform his duty to enforce all laws he has the authority to enforce. However, as soon as he is finished he will step down the bench, take the coat off and go home. Let me ask you, who do you think he is after he goes home? How does he behave? What does he do?
Now, consider this, during our childhood we were constantly being judged. Our behavior, our development, our expression, our critical thinking, etc. We were praised to continue with what we were doing or criticized to stop what we were doing and even punished in many cases or even abused in some unfortunate cases. The point is, judgment was constant.
Something I learned from my experiences as a healer is that the subconscious mind does not know how to discern. That is the job of the conscious mind, and we must train it to do so. The subconscious mind records automatically based on repetition of experiences and then just runs what was programmed there. Situations we encounter triggers us to hit the play button of an specific programming and if we have not trained our conscious mind how to discern, the subconscious mind will just run the whole show, but when we engage a well discerning conscious mind we can stop ourselves from repeating patterns of behavior that could be unhealthy. So what happens is, because we lived through so much judgment during our childhood, our mind understands that there’s got to be a judge always present, so even if all the people who judged you as a child were to leave your life, the way they judge you was already programmed in you, so a part of yourself takes the role of that judge.
I have said in my sessions before, “The punished, becomes the punisher and the abused becomes the abuser”. And you may not feel like you punish others or abused others, but chances are, your subconscious mind will apply that programing on yourself. You may be doing a very conscious effort not to treat others the way you were treated in your childhood but it becomes more difficult when we attempt NOT to punish or abused ourselves because we cannot separate the judge from the one who is being judge inside of us.
Something that helps me tremendously is to separate myself into different parts. Truly, we are composed by many, many elements. Our cells, organs, emotions, conscious, subconscious, soul… “Many are One and One are Many” It is actually a Buddhist approach. It helps because you can notice in your body how there is a part of you judging you but there is another part of who who suffers because of this self-judgment AND there is even a BIGGER part of you who knows the Judge is wrong!
So, I wrote this not to tell you that you have become your own worst enemy but to tell you that you do not need to continue to be at war with yourself. You do not need to defend yourself from the inner judge and you do not have to fight back or attack it either. The great news I want to share with you is that the judge inside you was never originally a judge. It was just assigned that role by the repetitive patters of judgment you experienced in your early life. Just like the Judge in the courtroom who wears the black coat and sits behind the bench to perform his duty.
However, remember, when the judge in the courtroom goes home, he stops being the judge and becomes someone else. In the same manner, that part in us that was assigned as the inner judge has a more pure origin. It is this purity that we should seek to discover.
We can actually disarm and return the inner critic to it’s purity by recognizing it is present and becoming consciously lighter with ourselves, more kind, gentle and if possible, doing the opposite of what it is suggesting so that we stop punishing or abusing ourselves. With that we start sending the message to that part of ourselves that was assigned as the judge to be off duty, to be itself, its true self. It is even possible to consciously be its best friend.
Love it, instead of blaming, like that best friend in our childhood. Acknowledge its presence and just hang out with it. With the constant practice of taking it off duty, you will discover its true purpose and gift for your life. You will actually get to know a more free version of yourself.
Imagine the relief and peace in that! Free at last!!!
This article is the property of Mariela Siwarqinti. No one may alter and/or reproduce it in any way without the express written permission of Mariela Siwarqinti.